Happy Happy, Joy Joy

I just read a piece by Devon Corneal entitled "The Pursuit of Happiness"
She cites a phrase that is often uttered by parents in day to day life; "I just want my kids to be happy!"  
"Happiness" is then described as this shallow, surface reaction to life...as if one who is a happy person just walks around with a goofy smile all day and laughs everything off in a haze of selfishness.  This left me wondering if the author has herself, ever actually BEEN happy...I mean, truly happy.  I don't know Ms. Corneal whatsoever, so I should not speculate as to her life experience or her personal feelings, but based on this take on what she hears when the word "happiness" is thrown around, it is clear to me that she and I have very different ideas of what this feeling entails.

You see, in my life, I have generally described myself as a "happy person".  I was raised in a loving home, with loving extended family and taught to have a positive outlook on life, no matter what is thrown my way...and plenty was thrown my way over the years.  My father was barely present in my life, I had great social difficulty from toddlerhood on, but still,  I was a "happy" baby and then a "happy" child, meaning, things did not keep me down for long.  I was always quick to laugh and quick to find joy in things.   Something else that might shock the author of the aforementioned piece is that this "happy" child grew into a teenager who dabbled in industrial music and the "goth" lifestyle...this was all after overcoming an elementary school career of bullying and social ostracization.  Still though, I was the "candy goth" of the group; black nail polish and black lipstick with a unicorn t-shirt and rainbow bright shoe laces.  I was just never angry enough to loose the bounce in my gothic-two-step.  Deep down, I was still a happy person...no matter what, and I didn't quite understand those who chose cynicism and negativity as their companion in their every day lives until very recently.
    After finishing college and getting married, I had two beautiful little boys...and that brings us to me today...where I have been battling depression and feeling and thinking in ways I never thought I would.  Let me tell you, "happiness" is something that one really appreciates when it proves elusive.  Having experienced a near 30 year stretch of being a "basically happy person", I can tell you with all certainty, that I do want my children to be happy.  Not because it's more fun (which it is) or because it's self indulgent (which it's not), but because our ability to BE happy is a gift, and barring chemical imbalance, happiness is a choice (and even then...)!  The article also makes reference to Dali Lama, and how he preaches the pursuit of happiness.  As a student of Buddhism myself, I find it poignant that even with the words of one of the wisest men alive, the essence of happiness, of joy and of "finding ones bliss" is disregarded again, because of this limited perception of what a happy person is.  When I hear someone say "I want to be happy" or "I just want my children to be happy", I understand that to mean a deeper, more fixed sense of overall well being, not the transient state of "yay!" that one might feel scoring in a game or finding a lost sock.  Maybe I'm completely off here, but somehow, I doubt the many many people who utter those words are thinking "gee! I hope my children grow up to never have a bad moment or an uncomfortable encounter, ever!".  Not only would that be insane, it would also be impossible!

I felt moved to write this retort of sorts, partly because I disagreed with most of what she said, but also because there have been times in my life where I believe being a happy person was the reason some people dismissed me, as a person; as if my happiness, my ability to be happy meant that life was easy for me or that things were just "handed" to me left and right.  I found that over the years, those people were the most miserable, needing to mock and bully those of us who perhaps, possessed this imaginary thing which they could not comprehend, perhaps because they were not shown or taught by example, how to BE happy.  And guess what?  I have also found that when I choose to be happy, good things ARE handed to me, left and right, along side those that I work very, very hard to achieve.  The universe manages to fulfill even material wishes at times when we are open to anything, and willing to find joy in it.  That is why happiness is seen as a choice; it's the difference between just going through your day and making a conscious effort to find joy in anything you can.

I do agree with Ms. Corneal's notion of pursuing meaning, to be sure, but I would have said "purpose".    Purpose is something which drives us toward happiness, toward deeper fulfillment, contributing to the whole of humanity in our own way.  If I indulge a need to knit pick on words, I admit to sharing the author's critical feelings when people say "just have fun!".  Life is not about "having fun" and "fun" can be had at another's expense.  That to me rings of that self-serving, so-called "hedonistic" mentality she relates to a state of happiness.  I want my children to find purpose...and find happiness in that purpose.  In my opinion, that is the not-so-secret of life.  Happiness is a choice, so in the end...yes...I want my children to learn to be happy, no matter what comes their way, because I believe the path to happiness is acceptance and serenity.  True happiness is contagious, not selfish.  It is my belief that those who try to douse the happiness of others are the miserable ones, trying to blot out the light.  But like a child chasing his own shadow, it takes an awakening for us to see that we are all connected, and the joy lies within us always.  The choice is whether we leave that door open or slam it shut.