A few of these "Before you have your third child..." articles have been circulating lately, and I felt moved to spew my own take on this issue. I am currently expecting my third child, after several pregnancy losses, and my children are not "back to back" so to speak, they are spaced quite nicely if you ask me; Boo will be seven soon, Bubs just turned three, and our little one will be here at any time...and how that all works out is a mystery to anyone...because we're not there yet...so here is what I WILL expect and put out into the universe;
What about family dynamics???
Having a third child has already brought us JOY, and she's not even here yet.
When Bubs was born, it had a profound impact on our very spirited and then four year old Boo, and in the best way. Having a little brother has given him someone to look out for, and a way to see immediate reflections of his impact on the world, in a pure and in-the-moment way, in kindness and in hurtful words and actions. They absolutely love each other, and absolutely torture each other daily. My little Bubs is showing his BIG personality in his little cute self more than ever now, but is also VERY excited about his new "baby sister", at least for now. With another baby entering our lives, I see the potential and the love GROWTH that is possible, just as I have told these soon to be "big brothers", love does not get divided, it will only grow bigger to accommodate. While I can't guarantee the same goes for my patience, that part is up to me, I know that this baby is already lifting us all out of ourselves and into another higher purpose, and is an opportunity for us to grow together even more. Oh, and I have recently reaffirmed a stance that was well expressed in THIS blog article as well, that our priority must be SELF, then PARTNER, then CHILDREN....and then the WHOLE can function. This is not to say that we don't drop what we are doing for our children when circumstances warrant it, but our primal needs MUST be met or we are of no use to anyone else, and what better way to teach our children healthy boundaries and relationship skills, than to model them as best we can? When I work on my marriage and myself, I am doing my children the GREATEST service, greater than any lecture I could give them for certain.
You Realize the Children Will Outnumber You Now, Right?
The children will now outnumber the adults, but I've already learned that ONE child can fill a room, so I'm really not worried...because I find worry to be useless. We also work very hard to NEVER see the parent/child relationship as "US vs. THEM".
I have been close to "the edge" before, but I have no choice but to just do what needs to be done. Our first born has been an extreme challenge for us as parents and even just as people, with strong personalities meeting another person with a strong personality! But...since I've always said he counts as three children himself at times, another little bundle is not going to phase us. Timing can be everything, and I do believe things are working out the way they should for us. I mean really, my first can tie his own shoes, help his little brother go potty and get dressed, he can even make a few sandwiches, and they both clear the table on their own now...so the more I think about this...the brighter it all looks from where I stand. Some things work themselves out and others are out of our hands...so we just do what we do and we do it with love. I have found that can carry quite a lot in life.
What About Money??? Kids are Expensive!
I have been cursed and blessed with a love of second hand treasure hunting and drop of the hoarder gene...wherever that is...(probably somewhere in the attic...next to a stack of old Organic Style magazines) but it has actually served me well half the time. I collect and store things pretty well, and I also apparently have a MAGNET attached to my aura, which attracts awesome stuff, because people give me things, and I am able to find high quality stuff most of the time...for very little money. I am finally learning to get rid of things and passing on and selling what I can, and embracing the living and using what I have and need "thing", and not stashing more than I can use...but also...we have clothes, we have stuff...it's all matter of opening up the door for things we prefer or need MORE, and liberating the things we have do not serve our lives. This ALL applies to children. Toys, clothes, even food; if it's not serving us well, we need to get rid of it. The more I do this, the more comes IN. This to me is the manifestation of energy flow, and I've seen it happen in so many ways in my life. Also, honestly, It has never once occurred to me to gauge children by finances. Ever. Maybe it's the hippy/dreamer in me, but agreeing to allow a human spirit to enter the world through my body and into my home did not require a spreadsheet, it required mediation and deep breathing, and love. So, yeah, we need to have food, and shelter, and water...and we are BLESSED, no doubt with these things right now...but they could vanish tomorrow with or without three kids, so...che sera sera. We prepare the best we know how. We educate ourselves. We make it work.
I may have a total panic attack tomorrow and forget all this lovely ideology before I have my one cup of coffee, but for now, I am logging these positive ideas and projections to bring this new child forth into our lives. She could be here any day now...and everything starts over, and new, and transformed. This is the lesson my children have brought me, because children do not allow you the luxury of forgetting the transient nature of life. If you fight it, it fights back...and it will kick your ass...so...everything is about to change...again...and I'm going to let it!
What an adventure...and we don't even get a map!
