Thursday, March 7, 2013
Being My Child's First Teacher
This is an exciting day for me. I have been hemming and/or hawing over this question of "what to do about Kindergarten" for over a year...and we still don't have a confident 100% answer, but more than ever, I am ready, or at least, ready to be ready.
My 5 year old son and I have begun our home-kindy trial period. I have a curriculum from a trusted source and since he would be doing a two-year program due to his age anyway, we are starting now and then plan to do the full year from fall to next spring when he will be in the 5-6 age bracket. Had we the thousands and thousands of dollars at hand, I would enroll my son in the full time program at an actual Waldorf school. I vowed that my children would have an education that was holistic, and if I have to teach them myself, I will do it.
After all, I AM a teacher. I have taught preschool, I have taught Drama to children ages 5-16, I have a Bachelors degree in Educational Theater which included several basic education courses. Also, I am qualified to be their teacher is because I already HAVE been. Parents are the first teachers of children. "Teaching" them in a formal seeming sense is simply putting some structure to what is already there.
I still have a lot of work to do, don't get me wrong. Planning a Waldorf Homeschool environment for my family is a little scary, but it's also exciting and FUN! The key seems to be to know yourself as well as possible. Just to run a household I have to be brutally honest with myself about what I need to do, so I can get things done, or they don't happen. I need an outline. I need lists. I need external accountability These are the things which hold me on track. Any time I don't have those things, I fall off the wagon onto the street and get trampled by a horse...metaphorically of course. In a conversation my husband and I had one of the many "should we homeschool" discussions, the very important point of "we can't screw this up" came into play. As in, "this is their education, there can be no slacking off". The thing is, how is that any different than raising the children? I mean, if I am qualified to change them, nurse them, keep them alive day in and day out...then guiding them into the important lessons of life and learning ABCs are simply an extension of that in my view.
The bottom line is however; not everyone sees it that way or feels they are up to the span of duties.
I know a few homeschoolers who might disagree. I've heard them say that they don't understand people shipping their children off to someone else for school all day opting to miss being a part of that learning process day in and day out...but I'm not one of those homeschoolers. I totally get it.
Even looking at things from a tribal perspective, where our roots come from; every village had a healer, a priest (often the same person) warriors, and teachers. It takes the village to raise the children because they are part of a whole, and the Teacher is an archetype and can not be the ideal role for every person who bares children.
There is however also the definition of "teacher" to be examined. The Teacher, in my view, is patience, kindness, wisdom, and knowledge, assembled with confident leadership; a guide to usher the child into the world. In the Waldorf model of education, this is both the description of the mother and the teacher. The child learns from the adult modeling with intention, not from a lecture monster in a tweed jacket...so there is little difference between an attentive, home maker parent and a Waldorf Kindergarten teacher...and that was the intention! In fact, I read a description once which clearly stated that * the Kindergarten was meant to replicate a pre-industrial rural home life. Hence the hand churned butter and the slow paced, simple living style
As the grades progress, it becomes very clear that Stiener's educational model saw the value of naturally unfolding learning for children as they might have in the home. Strictly speaking, a Waldorf student would have the same teacher from grade 1 through grade 8. That is so the teacher can really KNOW the students and their challenges and strengths, so the student can build a trusting relationship with their teacher as a mentor and, lets be honest here, a surrogate parent for those long days.
As a person who believes in the parent-child bond as vital to overall health, I find there is an easy transition from being a child's usher into life, to then ushering them into history, science and reading. The world will unfold to our children no matter what, and I want to be there as it does, and ensure that they are allowed to unfold along with it.
We shall see where this leads us, but for now, this is a journey for my whole family, and I couldn't be more excited.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Happy Happy, Joy Joy
I just read a piece by Devon Corneal entitled "The Pursuit of Happiness"
She cites a phrase that is often uttered by parents in day to day life; "I just want my kids to be happy!"
"Happiness" is then described as this shallow, surface reaction to life...as if one who is a happy person just walks around with a goofy smile all day and laughs everything off in a haze of selfishness. This left me wondering if the author has herself, ever actually BEEN happy...I mean, truly happy. I don't know Ms. Corneal whatsoever, so I should not speculate as to her life experience or her personal feelings, but based on this take on what she hears when the word "happiness" is thrown around, it is clear to me that she and I have very different ideas of what this feeling entails.
You see, in my life, I have generally described myself as a "happy person". I was raised in a loving home, with loving extended family and taught to have a positive outlook on life, no matter what is thrown my way...and plenty was thrown my way over the years. My father was barely present in my life, I had great social difficulty from toddlerhood on, but still, I was a "happy" baby and then a "happy" child, meaning, things did not keep me down for long. I was always quick to laugh and quick to find joy in things. Something else that might shock the author of the aforementioned piece is that this "happy" child grew into a teenager who dabbled in industrial music and the "goth" lifestyle...this was all after overcoming an elementary school career of bullying and social ostracization. Still though, I was the "candy goth" of the group; black nail polish and black lipstick with a unicorn t-shirt and rainbow bright shoe laces. I was just never angry enough to loose the bounce in my gothic-two-step. Deep down, I was still a happy person...no matter what, and I didn't quite understand those who chose cynicism and negativity as their companion in their every day lives until very recently.
After finishing college and getting married, I had two beautiful little boys...and that brings us to me today...where I have been battling depression and feeling and thinking in ways I never thought I would. Let me tell you, "happiness" is something that one really appreciates when it proves elusive. Having experienced a near 30 year stretch of being a "basically happy person", I can tell you with all certainty, that I do want my children to be happy. Not because it's more fun (which it is) or because it's self indulgent (which it's not), but because our ability to BE happy is a gift, and barring chemical imbalance, happiness is a choice (and even then...)! The article also makes reference to Dali Lama, and how he preaches the pursuit of happiness. As a student of Buddhism myself, I find it poignant that even with the words of one of the wisest men alive, the essence of happiness, of joy and of "finding ones bliss" is disregarded again, because of this limited perception of what a happy person is. When I hear someone say "I want to be happy" or "I just want my children to be happy", I understand that to mean a deeper, more fixed sense of overall well being, not the transient state of "yay!" that one might feel scoring in a game or finding a lost sock. Maybe I'm completely off here, but somehow, I doubt the many many people who utter those words are thinking "gee! I hope my children grow up to never have a bad moment or an uncomfortable encounter, ever!". Not only would that be insane, it would also be impossible!
I felt moved to write this retort of sorts, partly because I disagreed with most of what she said, but also because there have been times in my life where I believe being a happy person was the reason some people dismissed me, as a person; as if my happiness, my ability to be happy meant that life was easy for me or that things were just "handed" to me left and right. I found that over the years, those people were the most miserable, needing to mock and bully those of us who perhaps, possessed this imaginary thing which they could not comprehend, perhaps because they were not shown or taught by example, how to BE happy. And guess what? I have also found that when I choose to be happy, good things ARE handed to me, left and right, along side those that I work very, very hard to achieve. The universe manages to fulfill even material wishes at times when we are open to anything, and willing to find joy in it. That is why happiness is seen as a choice; it's the difference between just going through your day and making a conscious effort to find joy in anything you can.
I do agree with Ms. Corneal's notion of pursuing meaning, to be sure, but I would have said "purpose". Purpose is something which drives us toward happiness, toward deeper fulfillment, contributing to the whole of humanity in our own way. If I indulge a need to knit pick on words, I admit to sharing the author's critical feelings when people say "just have fun!". Life is not about "having fun" and "fun" can be had at another's expense. That to me rings of that self-serving, so-called "hedonistic" mentality she relates to a state of happiness. I want my children to find purpose...and find happiness in that purpose. In my opinion, that is the not-so-secret of life. Happiness is a choice, so in the end...yes...I want my children to learn to be happy, no matter what comes their way, because I believe the path to happiness is acceptance and serenity. True happiness is contagious, not selfish. It is my belief that those who try to douse the happiness of others are the miserable ones, trying to blot out the light. But like a child chasing his own shadow, it takes an awakening for us to see that we are all connected, and the joy lies within us always. The choice is whether we leave that door open or slam it shut.
She cites a phrase that is often uttered by parents in day to day life; "I just want my kids to be happy!"
"Happiness" is then described as this shallow, surface reaction to life...as if one who is a happy person just walks around with a goofy smile all day and laughs everything off in a haze of selfishness. This left me wondering if the author has herself, ever actually BEEN happy...I mean, truly happy. I don't know Ms. Corneal whatsoever, so I should not speculate as to her life experience or her personal feelings, but based on this take on what she hears when the word "happiness" is thrown around, it is clear to me that she and I have very different ideas of what this feeling entails.
You see, in my life, I have generally described myself as a "happy person". I was raised in a loving home, with loving extended family and taught to have a positive outlook on life, no matter what is thrown my way...and plenty was thrown my way over the years. My father was barely present in my life, I had great social difficulty from toddlerhood on, but still, I was a "happy" baby and then a "happy" child, meaning, things did not keep me down for long. I was always quick to laugh and quick to find joy in things. Something else that might shock the author of the aforementioned piece is that this "happy" child grew into a teenager who dabbled in industrial music and the "goth" lifestyle...this was all after overcoming an elementary school career of bullying and social ostracization. Still though, I was the "candy goth" of the group; black nail polish and black lipstick with a unicorn t-shirt and rainbow bright shoe laces. I was just never angry enough to loose the bounce in my gothic-two-step. Deep down, I was still a happy person...no matter what, and I didn't quite understand those who chose cynicism and negativity as their companion in their every day lives until very recently.
After finishing college and getting married, I had two beautiful little boys...and that brings us to me today...where I have been battling depression and feeling and thinking in ways I never thought I would. Let me tell you, "happiness" is something that one really appreciates when it proves elusive. Having experienced a near 30 year stretch of being a "basically happy person", I can tell you with all certainty, that I do want my children to be happy. Not because it's more fun (which it is) or because it's self indulgent (which it's not), but because our ability to BE happy is a gift, and barring chemical imbalance, happiness is a choice (and even then...)! The article also makes reference to Dali Lama, and how he preaches the pursuit of happiness. As a student of Buddhism myself, I find it poignant that even with the words of one of the wisest men alive, the essence of happiness, of joy and of "finding ones bliss" is disregarded again, because of this limited perception of what a happy person is. When I hear someone say "I want to be happy" or "I just want my children to be happy", I understand that to mean a deeper, more fixed sense of overall well being, not the transient state of "yay!" that one might feel scoring in a game or finding a lost sock. Maybe I'm completely off here, but somehow, I doubt the many many people who utter those words are thinking "gee! I hope my children grow up to never have a bad moment or an uncomfortable encounter, ever!". Not only would that be insane, it would also be impossible!
I felt moved to write this retort of sorts, partly because I disagreed with most of what she said, but also because there have been times in my life where I believe being a happy person was the reason some people dismissed me, as a person; as if my happiness, my ability to be happy meant that life was easy for me or that things were just "handed" to me left and right. I found that over the years, those people were the most miserable, needing to mock and bully those of us who perhaps, possessed this imaginary thing which they could not comprehend, perhaps because they were not shown or taught by example, how to BE happy. And guess what? I have also found that when I choose to be happy, good things ARE handed to me, left and right, along side those that I work very, very hard to achieve. The universe manages to fulfill even material wishes at times when we are open to anything, and willing to find joy in it. That is why happiness is seen as a choice; it's the difference between just going through your day and making a conscious effort to find joy in anything you can.
I do agree with Ms. Corneal's notion of pursuing meaning, to be sure, but I would have said "purpose". Purpose is something which drives us toward happiness, toward deeper fulfillment, contributing to the whole of humanity in our own way. If I indulge a need to knit pick on words, I admit to sharing the author's critical feelings when people say "just have fun!". Life is not about "having fun" and "fun" can be had at another's expense. That to me rings of that self-serving, so-called "hedonistic" mentality she relates to a state of happiness. I want my children to find purpose...and find happiness in that purpose. In my opinion, that is the not-so-secret of life. Happiness is a choice, so in the end...yes...I want my children to learn to be happy, no matter what comes their way, because I believe the path to happiness is acceptance and serenity. True happiness is contagious, not selfish. It is my belief that those who try to douse the happiness of others are the miserable ones, trying to blot out the light. But like a child chasing his own shadow, it takes an awakening for us to see that we are all connected, and the joy lies within us always. The choice is whether we leave that door open or slam it shut.
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